I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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