My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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