The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
