Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
