drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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