I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
