Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance http://tfl.nu/1kat
  Replies (22) Good night (3800) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low http://tfl.nu/rfi4
  Replies (25) Good night (2139) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
  Replies (39) Good night (7045) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/lklv
  Replies (39) Good night (7045) Bad night (1762)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday http://tfl.nu/rqca
  Replies (36) Good night (4649) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb. http://tfl.nu/1cz1
  Replies (6) Good night (3529) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket. http://tfl.nu/odip
  Replies (8) Good night (5238) Bad night (1634)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution http://tfl.nu/2lwu
  Replies (6) Good night (3219) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick. http://tfl.nu/yu0a
  Replies (9) Good night (1844) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm http://tfl.nu/8nyo
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet. http://tfl.nu/8dod
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank. http://tfl.nu/0dya
  Replies (1) Good night (635) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way. http://tfl.nu/gitq
  Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession. http://tfl.nu/fr3h
  Replies (4) Good night (1311) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house http://tfl.nu/vf8x
  Replies (0) Good night (485) Bad night (274)

Randomize