Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”