Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I spit up blood this morning
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i think my cat just said my name.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner