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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.

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• (760): View more from California

  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (713): View more from Texas

  woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  He was spoon feeding me wine all night.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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• (+33): View more from France

  If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  his single is called “stick some holes in it”

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