Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.