i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
