we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
