I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
