Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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