So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
