SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
