Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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