Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
