I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
