it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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