who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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