Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
