she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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