i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
