Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
