i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
