if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my poor anus
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
