perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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