Will you blow on my dice?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
