You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
