Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
