The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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