I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
