Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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