I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Non-Jews are for practice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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