So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
