Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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