if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
