Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
