I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
