Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
