In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
