He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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