...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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