She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
