I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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