She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
