I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
