I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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