You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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