oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
