SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
