I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
