He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do herpes really smell.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
