went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
