Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
