I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
