yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize