VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you made out with another girl for some wings
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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