Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
