Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people