Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

Replies (46) Good night (1302) Bad night (4710)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.

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(724): I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/hgte

Replies (48) Good night (945) Bad night (5897)
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(209): View more from California

Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?

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(209): Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese? http://tfl.nu/1zro

Replies (53) Good night (3581) Bad night (785)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.

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(765): I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot. http://tfl.nu/lv0c

Replies (101) Good night (1725) Bad night (4688)
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(516): View more from New York

I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH

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(516): I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH http://tfl.nu/3xpv

Replies (16) Good night (4977) Bad night (1013)
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(727): View more from Florida

I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

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(727): I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/n38l

Replies (30) Good night (804) Bad night (6596)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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(802): I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress' http://tfl.nu/zrhx

Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (831)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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(778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2

Replies (5) Good night (2110) Bad night (1112)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets

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(630): I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets http://tfl.nu/owc7

Replies (7) Good night (1171) Bad night (698)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am

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(720): Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am http://tfl.nu/x5gh

Replies (14) Good night (498) Bad night (1510)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever

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(225): also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever http://tfl.nu/6lx6

Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (452)
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(360): View more from Washington

we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...

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(360): we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us... http://tfl.nu/7rab

Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (286)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.

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(270): I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony. http://tfl.nu/dln2

Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (375)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.

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(651): I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms. http://tfl.nu/li3p

Replies (7) Good night (646) Bad night (271)
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(530): View more from California

He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.

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(530): He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette. http://tfl.nu/s1hb

Replies (3) Good night (407) Bad night (646)

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