My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.