dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.