Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (6028) Bad night (960)
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  (619): View more from California

  Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

  (323): View more from California

  How mad was your dog?

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  (619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night (323): How mad was your dog? http://tfl.nu/x6ig
  Replies (12) Good night (4282) Bad night (909)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.

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  (203): using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs. http://tfl.nu/lgyg
  Replies (41) Good night (4335) Bad night (1480)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.

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  (267): No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay. http://tfl.nu/ge7h
  Replies (9) Good night (1086) Bad night (4232)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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  (305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m
  Replies (65) Good night (1072) Bad night (4616)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6554) Bad night (1291)
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  (631): View more from New York

  "too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence

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  (631): "too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/grgx
  Replies (14) Good night (2647) Bad night (661)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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  (613): Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night http://tfl.nu/c7ii
  Replies (15) Good night (1199) Bad night (2348)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.

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  (410): She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in. http://tfl.nu/drz3
  Replies (6) Good night (1544) Bad night (760)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.

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  (860): This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night. http://tfl.nu/namk
  Replies (2) Good night (1692) Bad night (884)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.

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  (773): No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape. http://tfl.nu/zpzm
  Replies (6) Good night (2857) Bad night (651)
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  (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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  (707): I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER http://tfl.nu/38g6
  Replies (28) Good night (904) Bad night (3705)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask

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  (313): What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask http://tfl.nu/sq4u
  Replies (4) Good night (1321) Bad night (411)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.

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  (406): He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame. http://tfl.nu/fkng
  Replies (8) Good night (661) Bad night (1181)
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  (424): View more from California

  I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn

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  (424): I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn http://tfl.nu/bfkb
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (193)

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