i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think i have two assholes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle