How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie