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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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