i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
