just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.