why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter