Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
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My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways