He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?