he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.