I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
