I wanna passion pit in your ass
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
