last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
