She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
