The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
