Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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